Happy New Year! As we bring in a new year, many of us are feeling optimistic about our goals and our prospects for the coming year. Some of us may also find ourselves somewhat on edge or feeling uncertain about the state of the world. We often do our best to move forward and make plans while quietly watching to see if world influences will have an impact on our day-to-day lives. It is important to keep living and planning as we normally would.
When we set new year’s goals, we have great intentions, AND life can sometimes get in the way. We may have to work longer hours, run the kids to new activities, have extended family responsibilities, or other commitments. It’s flu season, and with the kids back in school, illness may be working its way through your household. It is critical to approach your goals with gentle kindness towards yourself and a healthy dose of self-compassion. It is human and normal for life to interfere with our ability to stick to our goals without wavering. It isn’t so much about sticking to your goals as much as what we tell ourselves when we can’t!
- Be gentle with yourself. Life happens and we need to remain flexible. If we can’t go to the gym today (or whatever your goal is) can we make it up later in the week, or do something else? Maybe walk the mall while your child is in dance class? Or take a friend up on a spin class later in the week.
- Give yourself permission to miss a day without judgment or self-criticism. We all have an “off” day. Maybe you were up at night when the kids were sick, or your boss dropped a last-minute project on you, or life just happens. Giving yourself permission is a part of self-compassion. Speak to yourself how you would a beloved partner, child, or best friend. If you would not criticize them but would build them up, use the same language with yourself! If you would encourage them to make them feel better – do the same for yourself.
- Eliminate all or nothing thinking. We have a tendency to convince ourselves we have “failed” when life gets in the way and throws us off track, and we stop striving for our goals. However, consistency and commitment are much more important than a regimented routine. Even if we only go to the gym 2 days in the last 2 weeks of January, but we recognize we want 12 workouts in a month, we can still meet our goals. It’s when we set inflexible goals of hitting the gym 3 or 5 times a week with no exceptions, that we set ourselves up to fail. Having flexibility allows us to miss, get sick, change our schedule and still create a new habit. Even if we go on vacation or get sick for a few weeks, we can still get back into the routine and continue slow and steady progress forward. Going to the gym 10 times this month is still better than nothing at all! Focus on what you can do and not what you cannot. Each step forward is still a step forward, even if the progress is slower, it is still progress moving in the direction you want to go.
- Set realistic goals. If you have not been to the gym in years, start with what is doable and what you can maintain. It is easier to increase in difficulty than to overdo it, identify it as “too much/too hard” and criticize yourself for not being able to do it. Set small realistic goals 5-10 minutes on the treadmill, reading, journaling or meditation, then work your way up. The same goes for exercise. We want to challenge ourselves and build endurance, not overwhelm ourselves, and set ourselves up for failure and self-criticism.
Uncertainty and unpredictability are the most difficult for people to manage. We make plans and do our best to continue to live our lives as normally as possible. We may find ourselves more anxious, irritable, or even shut down. These are all normal responses and treating ourselves with self-care and self-compassion is important. Here are a few strategies to help you navigate uncertain times:
- Minimize your exposure to news. Media sells on drama and feeding those fears. Limit yourself to top news once a day or every few days, to stay in the loop, without overwhelming your nervous system. If it’s too much – notice your discomfort and stop!
- Monitor your nervous system. Notice if after watching the news or scrolling social media, you become more irritable, have difficulty relaxing/sleeping, or find yourself reverting to undesirable coping strategies, then it’s time to disengage and focus on self-care to rebalance your nervous system.
- Try to focus on what we can control and what we can do in the present, here and now, rather than things outside of our control. Self-care can include something as simple as a cup of tea/coffee, a good book, time with friends, music, exercise, meditation, your favorite meal, or time with your partner, family, or pet. Distraction and engagement with a caring support network can help reset your brain and nervous system.
- Choose a few things you can do that you feel good about and write them into your schedule, so you commit time to actually do them. Sometimes we think, I “should ….” but do not get around to it and then start the negative narrative in our head. When we schedule things, we are more likely to complete them. Taking care of ourselves when things feel uncertain can help us better cope with stress.
Regardless of what your goals are this year, it is important to set yourself up for success, have compassion for where you are and what you can do now, while keeping your eye on the long-term goal. Maybe you have an injury that acts up in the winter, so cut back when necessary while modifying your activity to include what you can. Engaging in self-compassion and giving yourself permission to just be human when life throws us curveballs, goes a long way to meeting those goals long term over the coming weeks and months!